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Posts Tagged ‘Miranda’

Heyy!! France is pretty amazing. I had an amazing night on Saturday. Very very fun. But anyways, I just wanted to keep you guys posted. I’ve been thinking a lot about labels and thought I’d share it with you guys:

My friends all have their trends: “Carrie” wears lots of bows and girly clothes; “Stacy” wears a lot of rocker-esque clothes which totally fits her musical personality; “Miranda” wears a lot of boho styles…think Sienna Miller; “Samantha” wears a lot of out there clothing; “Anthony” (my other friend who I don’t think I’ve talked about) is more preppy with a hint of high fashion. So, I’ve decided that my style is preppy-meets boho-meets high fashion-meets classy-meets provocative. Since I don’t have a defined style, I kind of wear whatever I feel in the mood for that day, I’ve decided that I don’t need a label in the fashion world. Therefore, I’m going to be investing in more shoes and jewelry. I am comfortable knowing that I don’t have a defined style, so I can just amp up any outfit with an amazing necklace or fierce stilettos. Leighton Meester has said that one of her favorite outfits is jeans, a tank top, and a pair of out-there heels. I totally agree. As long as you incorporate some sort of aspect of you into an outfit, and as long as you feel comfortable, I feel like nothing should hold you back. I’ll be showing you guys a lot of examples of things I want to invest in. In the mean time, have a great week!!

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Continued from love letdown

The next day I woke up and grabbed my towel, shampoo, and conditioner, as always to go take a shower before my photography class started. Only, I realized that there was a trail of rose pedals leading to my door, down the hallway, and to the floor’s landing. There was “Big” who had fallen asleep waiting for me to wake up. On his lap were a bouquet of roses and a card. Apparently, “Big” had things he wanted to say to me. He just couldn’t tell me verbally. I pulled out the card, trying not to wake him up. It read something like this:

Dear Zoe,
I’m sorry I’ve been a jackass. I just don’t like people using me. I know that my life is a bit different from others, but I can’t take it when people are using me to get fame. You know? Anyways, “Miranda” explained everything to me last night. We have some talking to do. I just couldn’t say this. I wanted to make sure I could say everything without forgetting a single detail. So, here are a dozen roses. I hope you forgive me, Zo. Because I love you. I do.
-“Big”

My heart dropped! Was my childhood fantasy just fulfilled? Was I Belle? I realize now looking back on it this was a very Beauty and the Beast situation: my beast turned into my prince again as soon as the last pedal fell. Literally. I played Prince Charming here when I kissed him to wake him up. He was startled and moved away. I told him I loved him, too. We smiled and kissed some more. It turns out, “Miranda” had gone down after I had cried my eyes out to give “Big” a piece of her mind. She is always the opinionated type. There had been wrong information given by Carlie, my ex-friend starting at that point. “Big’s” mom was a famous actress, who I will not reveal. But he thought I knew and was just using him to get to the fame, or so Carlie told him. When I asked him what he thought about the movie she was in, he thought I was assuring the fact that I knew. So he backed off. It was all just a “Big” misunderstanding (I had to throw that in there to channel some Carrie Bradshaw).

I still talk to “Big” every now and then. He lives in L.A. which makes it difficult. But whenever he’s in New York, I make him buy me a cosmopolitan. I chose to write about this on my blog because it was my first love. Also, I’ve been hearing from him a little lately, so cherished memories came back alive. But who knows? Maybe you/ I will be hearing more about my “Mr. Big” soon. J’espère!! (For all of you non-frenchies that means I hope!!)

Fin

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Love Letdown

Continued from the mille-feuille

The next day was a no-class day. After finding the perfect outfit to wear, doing my makeup and my hair, and grabbing “Miranda” out of her room, I went down to the commons where everyone met up. I came down to see a girl I saw around on “Big’s” lap. They were being a little cuddly. As soon as I walked in the room, everyone got kind of quiet. It just made things even more awkward. When I went over to say hi, he responded dismissively. Not in the mood for drama, I just turned around and walked over to the couch where I sat down and talked to people. We talked for a little while, the entire time I was trying not to stare at my very flirtatious guy with this random slut. He announced the two were going to go out to lunch and left hand in hand. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe how my perfect summer romance, the guy who I thought was my first love, left me so randomly! I just sat there quietly as his friends said goodbye. As soon as he left, everyone was explaining how confused they were too…everyone except Carlie. The group of us decided to go to a café for lunch. On the walk over, I ran to catch up with Carlie. The person she was talking to lingered so it was just her and me. The perfect opportunity for me to get something out of her. When I explained how I felt, she was just kind of awkwardly nodding. I asked her what was wrong and she told me it wasn’t her business but I should probably talk to “Big”. Oh great. Now I know there was officially drama.

Later that night, “Big” was no where to be seen. I didn’t want to seem to clingy so I didn’t call him. OK, that’s a lie. I called him like twice. Neither of which he answered. So, I let it go. But not for long. I was sitting in the hallway of my floor with my friends which was directly above his floor. I saw him walk up to his friends, but then the rest I couldn’t see. I quickly ran to my room to see how I looked. Then I went downstairs to set everything straight. As soon as he saw me, he knew what I had to say. He told me to come to his room so we could talk.

I covered all of these points when confronting him:

  • Who the hell is that slut? What haven’t you called me back? What did you do tonight?
  • What did I do to change your mind?
  • Why are you having such an attitude about this?
  • You need to just tell me the truth because I have no idea what the hell is going on.

There were probably more things. Remember, this was a few years ago when I was 16. But anyways, we ended up doing a mini-yelling thing. I mean, it seemed a little intense for a little summer romance. But I was hurt. And to think that I was falling for him! He was being so secretive. What was he hiding!?

It ended up with some slamming doors and things I said I wish I could’ve taken back. I remember, though, as soon as I closed the door in his face, i leaned against it. Thinking, should I go back in there? I have to. It can’t end like this. I didn’t go back.

Later that night I got to thinking about love. So many people live by love: Happiness brings love, and love brings happiness. Even in one of my favorite movies of all time, Beauty and the Beast, this shown. The beast will be turned back into a prince one he finds happiness: he has to fall in love and someone has to love him back. This love will bring the happiness of being human back to him. But, as the narrator says, “For who could ever learn to love a beast?” I couldn’t help but wonder: Was love a fantasy? Were the stories we heard growing up never found in the real world? But most importantly, how do you know when you’ve found true love? We can’t all know by turning from beast to human. So: when will we find love?

To be continued…

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Continuing my High School experience in Paris from Part of the In-Crowd

I had been hanging out with “Miranda” a lot in Paris. She was in my photography class but she was an architecture minor (perfect for her future career of interior design). But anyways, she was always off with her architecture friends going on homework assignments to museums and things like that. So I had to fend for myself, branch out, and make some friends. Something I’ve never been so thrilled about, but I always seem to manage some way or another.

I was sitting in my cuisine class with my friend Carlie. I’ll use her real name, because I will never use her name again on this blog…we haven’t talked since. I was taking notes about the art form of the “Mille-feuille” when I got a little piece of folded, white paper my name written on it:

Hey, you wanna grab lunch after class together?
-"Big"

Remember, this girl from New York who wasn’t really popular actually caught a guy’s attention. I didn’t want him to know all of this about me though. So I looked at him, nodded, and smiled. He looked satisfied.

So we went to a little café around the corner from the school. We were talking and laughing a lot, watching people on the busy Paris streets. We had lunch with each other many more times for the rest of that week. Each day, knowing more and more about him. He did something every day to surprise me: he held my hand, brought me a rose, etc. It was so romantic. I thought: How can this guy like me? I’m so lucky! He’s so cute and so sweet and funny! It’s like a fairytale! We went out to dinner with a big group of people, and ended up going to a bar afterwards. He bought be a drink, and we sat down with the rest of our friends. Like a lot of guys, he was so different when it was the two of us and when he was around his other guy friends. He tried to be all impressive and such, which was difficult when all I wanted to do was talk more with the “Big” I knew. Every time I tried talking to him about his life back home, his family, his friends, he just tuned me out. Why couldn’t he just answer the simple questions? I didn’t want to pry, but maybe there was something more to his life than just being a simple, cute guy. Some topic our table was talking about led me to ask him what he thought of a specific movie that was in theaters. I’ve never been given such an awkward look in my life. Then I pretended I asked the person sitting next to him, and he completely cooled down. I couldn’t understand why a simple question like “What did you think of that movie?” would bother him so much.

That night, he walked me to my room. He kissed me goodnight (did I mention that on our second date when he kissed me it was my first kiss? I don’t think I did. But anyways, age 16. First kiss…yeah.) Band I rushed to “Miranda’s” room to ask for her advice on the evening.

Maybe men are like “mille-feuilles”. They have a thousand layers, every one an amazing surprise, yet each hidden by another. We just have to somehow figure out how to discover all that they’re hiding. They’re like puzzles. Some people find a man whos every layer surprises them, intruiges them. They love figuring it all out. Those thousand layers can take a lifetime to reveal, but when you have the patience to go through multiple layers of the past, I think that that is when you have found true love. When I was 16, I couldn’t help but wonder: why wouldn’t “Big” let me in? Was it the fact that he had something from his past shut the outside world from interfering? Or, was I just not the girl in his life to trek through his mille feuilles?

To be continued…

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Everyday of our lives, we crave something more. What we have isn’t good enough. We need something bigger, better, more expensive. Whatever it is, we can’t get enough of change. Recently, “Carrie”, “Miranda” and my other friends, let’s call her “Stacy” (instead of Stanford Blatch on Sex and the City), have recently become obsessed with the art of Feng Shui. “Carrie” has decided to Feng Shui her apartment before her new house mate arrives, “Miranda”, the interior designer, has given herself a budget to redo her bedroom giving it a more “bohemian” feel and buying vintage pieces of furniture and trinkets, and “Stacy” has bought a book telling her the dos and don’ts of feng shui (for example she replaced her mirror in her bedroom with a bulletin board because the book claimed that having a mirror in your room is bad). Earlier today I went with my friend “Anthony” to Pottery Barn. As I roamed around the huge store, I kept making a list in my head of all of the things in my apartment that just aren’t suitable anymore.

1) My chaise has to go.
2) The down-comforter on my bed.
3) My kitchen table.
4) My kitchen plates.
5) My shower curtain.

 When I hit shower curtain I just knew. It’s not that those things weren’t “suitable” anymore. I was just bored with what I had. I needed more excitement. Change. Diversity. Then I had a thought: maybe my failed relationships in the past ended because of the lack of excitement. The lack of surprise. Is it bad that I’m a change craver? Will my want for change affect the relationships that I will have in the future? Or will I finally learn to accept what is good?

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